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plz evaluate my independent essay.....its urgent

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newbie - member
9 posts

plz evaluate my response to the question.......
The widespread use of the internet has given people access to information on a level never experienced before. How does this increase in the availability of information influence life in today's world ?

In this modern era of technology we can easily avail all the information required at just a click of a button.Internet is the pool of information, where we can easily get all the information. It has its presence in various fields like business, education, communication etc. This vast application of internet has bring an revolution in the history of mankind.

At the very beginning, internet was merely used as a source of information. But, due to rapid developmentin the field of technology it is now being used in business. One such example of internet usage for the business purpose is the BPO (business process outsourcing) sector. In the BPO's the business is outsourced to a different country mainly because of cheap man power and availability of talent. Internet is a medium through which the BPO operates. Another example of internet usage in business is Video Conferencing. Video conferencing helps in spreading the business world wide and also compensate for the cost of travelling. So, the usage of internet helps in adding the extra money to the profit and also serves as a source of employment.

Internet is not only helpful to the business class. But also it has been proved very much beneficial for the common man. E-banking has changed the whole scenario of banking. For instance, ATM services provided by the bank is an easy source of money at the customers door step and is easily available 24hours. a day. Also, internet is used for communication. E-mail has completely replaced the outdated system of post mail. E-mail is a fast and a reliable source of sending the data world wide.

However, it also has got some of the drawbacks. The easily available vast source of information is being used for the wrong purpose. Some websites in the internet are providing the geographical details of the region, or a country which is used for the purpose of destruction by the terrorist.

To sum up, I can say that internet has completely changed the life style of people. Internet has contributed a lot in the social and economical development of a country. Moreover, strong policies should be imposed by the government so that the internet cannot be used by the evils of the society.

guru - founder
1404 posts

Hi prashant,

How would you rate your essay, and why? Try to be as detailed in your reasoning as possible.

Best,

~ Jason

__________________
"English is as easy or as difficult as you imagine it to be..." www.english-itutor.com
newbie - member
9 posts

I have my Toefl exam on 10th of january. so i am preparing for Toefl and I wrote according to requirement of Toefl and as I don't know d criteria how they evaluate so thought you would evaluate and let me improve where I lack.
I tried to justify my essay with all examples I could find relevant and I think atleast i should get more than 3.5 for that out of 5.
I don't have that much knowledge of english as you have so I would be grateful
if you rate it and review and tell my mistakes
Thanks..!!

novice - member
41 posts

Hello prashant1986,
I,ve read your essay and I think that you did a pretty good job. I think that you developed well the 2nd and the 3rd paragraf , with enough details. Maybe the 4th is a little bit too general.

I have some suggestions for you-if you don't mind:
- you wrote..."we can easily avail all the information...".Maybe would be better to say "we can easily HAVE all...", or "...all the information are easily available".
-You wrote..."But, due to rapid development...".Leave the statement without the "but" in front of it. It sounds better.I have a book about the essays and it says that you don't have to start a sentence with "but". And it's correct "...due to THE rapid development...".
-be carreful at using the verbs in simple present tense --he/she.I know that this is a mistake because of the stress(I also make it sometimes), and you may try to correct your essay before the time ends up.Ex.:"Video conferencing helps...and compensates..."

I hope that these will help you. Overall, you can get a 4-4,5 score out of 5.
Best regards!

PS. If I am wrong, please dear members, correct me.

newbie - member
9 posts

thanks rodica for evaluating my essay and correcting me. your suggestions would help me a lot in future!

thank you....

guru - founder
1404 posts

Hi Prashant,

I don't think this topic is formatted the way topics currently are on the iBT. As far as I am aware, almost all the independent essay topics ask for agreement or disagreement with a set statement or proposition.

So even though you could get feedback or ratings for this essay, it won't be accurate compared to the actual writing task you are likely to face on the real test.

Best wishes,

~ Jason

__________________
"English is as easy or as difficult as you imagine it to be..." www.english-itutor.com
regular - member
67 posts

hi Jason,

i've just read your post and it really worries me. if what you've just mentioned in this post is the actual situation and this is not the type of essays that appear in the actual test, what should we do?????Surprised

 from where can we get a reliable source to practice for the toefl independent task????? isn't there any credible source that is issued by the ETS to use for practice.

i've once found a list of the topics and it was recommended by some websites and it was mentioned that the ETS has issued this list. this list contains topics that aren't formatted as the actual topics (there is no agreement or disagreement with a statement).

 what should we do in such case, there is no reliable source to depend on for practicing essay writing.Cry

 

 

 

guru - founder
1404 posts

Hi Samar,

I was wondering the same thing some time back, so I went around a variety of forums and asked test takers who had taken the actual iBT. Everyone who responded said that the independent essay topic they had received on the real test asked them to choose a position (agree or disagree) in application to a set statement or condition.

I could be wrong, but I haven't heard any evidence to the contrary yet. I did read somewhere that ETS were sticking to this format in order to make the task more reliable across all test takers. Basically, it's an argumentative/opinion essay.

All of the writing guides and tips I've put around this forum work with that kind of topic format.

I guess the big problem is that many people are still using the old TOEFL essay topic lists, which actually had topics for 3-5 different styles of essay. My official guide from ETS includes that list, but also specifically states that:

"The question asks you to give your opinion on an issue. Here is how the question is typically phrased:

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

     [ A sentence or sentences that present an issue appear here. ]

Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer."

 

I could pretty confidently say that this is what you can expect to see in this section of your test. Basically, all the essays being posted in this forum that use different topic styles -- while helpful for general writing practice -- are not exactly what you are going to face on the test.

If anyone has evidence of a different topic style from an official TOEFL test taken in the last 6 months or so, please let us know!

~ Jason 

 

 
__________________
"English is as easy or as difficult as you imagine it to be..." www.english-itutor.com
regular - member
67 posts

hi Jason,

thanks for your reply. this issue is really disturbing.Yell

 i've already read your posts that included tips for writing independent essays; however i will reread them in order to make sure that i didn't miss anything and to get rid of any confusing messages.

 thanks Jason, hope that we will get  clear facts about this issue.

have a nice day Jason :) 

 

 

newbie - member
9 posts

hi Jason,
thanks for your suggestion. now i got the idea of how to approach a independent essay! next time i'll be careful in attempting the essay!

thanks a lot!

regular - member
67 posts

Hi my friends :)

I have taken my toefl exam today and I would like to say that the formatting of the independent task was exactly the way Jason has described. 

"Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

     [ A sentence or sentences that present an issue appear here. ]

Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer."

That's all what I wanted to emphasize,

Best of luck to all the members in their preparation for the exam.

 

guru - founder
1404 posts
Thanks for the update/confirmation, Samar! Very helpful!
__________________
"English is as easy or as difficult as you imagine it to be..." www.english-itutor.com
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