jasonrenshaw's Blog

Re: Another TOEFL success story - congratulations Simmi!

Fantastic - great result Deepika! What does the future hold for you now, then?

:-)

~ Jason

Re: TOEFL IBT SUCCESS!!! - Thanks Jason.

Great results, Chikko! Well done!

:D

Re: TOEFL iBT Speaking Independent Topic List (Paired Choice Question 2 on the test)

Hi, Jason, Thanks for you great form.
I will take my second time IBT in this December. I try to open the link you gave:
[UPDATE] These topics have been moved to the following webpage [url]
I can't open it.can you help?
Thanks.
Jeremy

-jeremy

Just checked the link and it works fine!

~ Jason

Re: Improve our score -Urgent

The answer is simple (and proven!)

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All the best,

~ Jason

Re: Help

Start with this extensive list of tips here:

http://jasonrenshaw.typepad.com/ibt_speaking_writing/2009/11/some-questions-and-answers-about-toefl-speaking.html

Then, clearly, for the very best opportunity to practice and improve, you simply MUST try my special TOEFL Speaking Mentor program!

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All the best,

~ Jason

Re: Independent Writing Task 1

Some people might think that television does harm to children because they like television and tend to watch it for long hours instead of conversation with family. In addition, you might find a violent or sexual program which you don’t want to show children. However, I personally disagree with the statement “watching is bad for children”.

To begin with, I think that television could be good educational tool for children. Nowadays, there are many educational programs in a variety of fields such as science, history and foreign languages. They are usually designed well by professional TV stuff so that children can understand many things easily. In the programs, you can find different approaches to give children a valuable lecture visually including video made by computer graphics, short drama or scientific experiments. Not only educational programs but also regular programs could offer educational information through a quiz show or a historical story. For example, when I was a child I used to watch an animation program based on the story about French revolution every week. Thanks to the program, I understood what happened in France at that time and I got interested in European history very much.

In addition to educational factor of television, I feel that children can communicate well with their friends about common topic. Consider, for example, when a very popular program for children is on air, many children must watch the program at home and then they would talk about it in their school on the next day. They could get know a new story of a drama or popular songs by watching television and would find favorite actors or songs. Children can share common topic with their classmates. It makes children get closer to their classmates and they can build friendship. Television offers many kinds of program and people are interested in a different program depending on their age. Children in same age would be interested in a same program which they can share topic about.

Finally, alongside educational aspect and building friendship among classmates, I believe that children can find admire profession by watching television. You often find a drama or documentary based on a story of professional worker like a doctor, lawyer and police. Usually a professional person in a program is depicted as a hero who can solve a difficult problem or help people in need. It is true that the kind of story is very different from reality, but such a successful story would inspire children to have a goal and study hard to become an ideal profession. According to my own experience, there was a popular drama about a story of middle school teacher in my childhood. The story had problems made by different students every week and the teacher always solves the problems. I really admired him and started studying hard to become a teacher.

In considering about watching television for children, I have explored issues such as educational programs; better communication with friends; and setting of future goals. These factors lead me to disagree with the assertion that watching television is bad for children.

-kumin

Score = 5.0

Outstanding essay, so clearly organized, argued and supported, with good concession statements to build a sense of balance while really making your own position strong and convincing. Well done!

:D :D :D

Re: Independent Writing Task 1

TOPIC: "Watching television is bad for children"

Ask any children from age four to age seventeen what they think of television, you can be assured that they will say television is one of the best invention ever created on earth.  Likewise, ask any adult what they think of television effects on children and you will have conflicting opinions. This essay will discuss some arguments for and against television effect on children and why I think TV has bad effect on children and it is best to limit television time.

It is often claimed that television has many positive effects on children.  It provides educational value for children because it teaches children how to behave, socialize and solve problem.  While it is true to a certain degree, there are so many television programs these days that do not qualify to be called educational. One of the most popular TV program aiming for children audience is Hannah Montana. Girls as young as a first-grader love this program. Have you, as a parent, actually watched this program? Hannah Montana is starred by teenagers; most of the topics are about love, relationship and teenage life.  Nowadays, many fourth graders  who idolizes Hannah Montana actually goes to school wearing short dress, make ups and talk about love.  This is just doesn’t seem right.

How many children actually watch Discovery Channel or Animal Planet? Not that many, I guarantee. How many children watch Disney Channel and Nickelodeon? You will see many children raised their hands. Why? Because Nickelodeon is fun and entertaining, and Discovery Channel is boring. Children tend to use TV for entertainment purposes, not educational purpose. And, it is fine if you want your children to be entertained on some days. However, almost every television program includes ‘forbidden’ words that you would never teach or said to your children in your daily conversation. Don’t be surprised if your children said ‘stupid’ or ‘damn’ when he is angry or upset.

Have you ever heard your children asked you to buy one product – be it toy or snack - that they saw in television? They would rave about it and kept asking you until you gave in.  It is commonly said that the way to the parents’ pocket is through children, and it is very true. We, as parents would hesitate for a long time before we buy something for ourselves, but for our children, we would do everything to make them happy and satisfied.  In addition to that, we sometimes feel guilty if we deny our children certain things, especially if both parents are working and do not have enough time with our children.

Furthermore, it is common that children have their own television set in their room these days.  Many parents seem to believe that having more than one television in the house keep everybody happy. Parents can watch sport programs, children can watch Disney programs. Consequently, parents have less control over children’s media consumptions.

In conclusion, watching television is not qualified as educational purposes. It is more of an entertaining media, and it has many negative effects on children development. If we continue to let children watch too many television programs, it will be difficult to stop them later on. Thus, if we cannot eliminate television from our children’s life, we have to at the very least limit television time.

-inasaja

Score = 4.5

Again, this is a bit of an unusual approach, but it does work well! While I guess I would like to see your arguments constructed more solidly around clear main reasons, the extended use of examples in your writing makes it quite strong.

:D

Re: Independent Writing Task 1

     In these days, almost every household has one or more television. Indeed, many people contend that television has become something essential and indispensable part of our life. The question whether television is good or bad for our children has attracted many debates everywhere. This essay will consider some arguments of the allowing children to watch TV programs and point to some problem with these views. It will then put forward a number of reasons why limiting TV time is actually beneficial for children.

     Some people argue that many television programs educate children as young as babies and broaden their knowledge. For example, it was claimed that Baby Einstein video series can help children's brain develop better and enable children to have advance vocabulary skills. However, there is no scientific evidence that prove that TV is actually educating children. In fact, as published in CNN a few weeks ago, Disney has offer full refunds to any customers who purchased  a Baby Einsteins video from 2004 to 2009.

    The defender of TV maintained that TV provide affordable entertainment alternative for children. They said that the cost of cinema tickets are so expensive nowadays, it cost family of four at least forty-dollars to watch one movie, not including the cost of the food and drinks.  While it is true to a certain degree that TV is less expensive than watching movie or going to theme parks, there are many 'free' entertainment around us that is often overlooked. One example of these are books. We can borrow children books from library for free. It allows us to read books to our children. Furthermore, we can increase our children' curiosity and love for reading. This will undoubtedly open a whole new world of imagination and creativity in children's life.

    There are many violent acts in TV programs. For example, in Fairly Oddparents, Vicky the babysitter often manipulate Timmy to do many jobs for her so that she can get extra money.In addition to that, the language spoken in many children's program are not proper. There are many cussing, cursing and name-calling. In Spongebob, Squidward likes to say "stupid moron' to his friends. Would you like those awful words in your children's vocabulary? I don't think you would. Moreover, when you watch TV, you are actually being passive. There is no room left for your imagination to grow. Furthermore, there are so many commercials in TV that target young audience who do not have the ability to differentiate between advertising propaganda or accurate information.

    In conclusion, we are responsible to choose what is best for our children, be informed of what our children are watching. If we continue to allow our children to watch these unnecessary TV programs, we will do disservice to our children. 

-inasaja

Score = 4.0

Interesting approach to your essay - not the usual way I recommend for this sort of essay, but it does work quite effectively for you! The introduction has some unnecessary statements of purpose which I think you could avoid and use that time to develop your body paragraphs more. The final body paragraph is slightly confusing, because it doesn't appear to have a clear topic sentence or direction - it appears to be a random collection of negative aspects.

:D

Re: Independent Writing Task 1

Personally, I disagree with the idea that watching TV is not good for children. In my view, Parents can take advantage of TV programs in several ways such as; a source of learning; and as an intertaning tool.
To begin with, children can learn lots of things from TV programs. There are plenty of TV shows that teaches children about different subjects. I mean, nowadays TV chanels are producing a lot of pofecional programs that are very effective learning tools for children. While some people may think that watching a TV program is not worthed to learn something considering the time it takes to convey informations, but in my perspective, considering coast and benefit, its a valuable tool to teach children. From my own experience, my two years old boy learned a lot from TV cartoons. My wife and I are not speaking English at home so its hard to teach English to our baby. Since we are living in the United State, after a while I saw that my boy is peaking up English alphabet and words from the TV cartoons and special teaching programs from TV.
In addition to that, TV programs are very good intertaining tools. To me, some of them are really fun and children can enjoy it during their lisure time. Its true that some of TV shows are not suitable for them and they may induce stress and sometimes produce bad habits in children, but I think if parents select some proper TV shows and cartoons for their kids it can be very fun and enjoyable for them. For instance, I usually check the TV programs and choose the fun ones for my kid. I try to find some chanels that have very calm and funny programs and also the ones that learn some social aspects in their stories. For example, my son enjoys the cartoon named "caillo". Its an animation cartoon that the little boy in the cartoon experiences different things and gets to know some good social behaviors as well.
To sum up, these reasons lead me to believe that waching TV could be a very good sourse of learning for children and they can intertain them to have fun and learn social values from them. According to my experiences, if parents find some good TV programs, they can use this tool effectively and they should be mindful of not letting their children to be addicted to the TV. 

-kazema

Score = 3.5

Very good response, and the ideas you present are extremely well supported. There are some very basic spelling errors, however, that I think would pull your score down from a 4.0. You need to make sure the spelling is more accurate, and try to include a third main reason - even if it is a little briefer than the preceding ones.

:D

Re: Integrated Writing Task 1

The reading passage states that wind power has some serious disadvantages in spite of its benefits. However, the professor claims that the points are not problematic and refutes the author’s reasons.

To begin with, the professor explains that once a generation of wind power starts running it can pay back the cost of its set up within nine months. This casts doubt on the point in the reading passage that the wind power spends a lot of energy for manufacture and transport in the stage of setting up wind farms.

The reading passage also claims that wind turbines threat to migrating birds or bats. However, the professor explains that the number of birds or bats being killed by them is not serious. He says that more birds are killed by cars, buildings or pollution rather than by wind turbines. He asserts that according to a study in Denmark, this kind of birds or bats can avoid the threat in the area of power farms and off shores which have many wind firms doesn’t do harm to bats.

In addition, the professor states that off shores having wind turbines are stretched and requires only a little land use. He claims that the power farms can be utilized for agriculture and grazing. This point would seem to cast doubt on the argument in the reading passage that wind farms require large amounts of land to generate effective wind power.

The professor finishes by asserting that wind farms are usually away from the area where people live. He explains that even if there are wind farms in people’s living area, in a study by British researchers 70 % people don’t mind a wind farm in their community. This point disputes the reading passage that wind turbines give negative visual impact where people live.

-kumin

Score = 5.0

Superb response - full marks!

:D

Re: Integrated Writing Task 1

Hello Jason,  my summarizing to question 1 of the practice test:

The reading and lecture passage discuss the topic of wind power as a new kind of energy resource. The professor casts doubt on different keys the negative argumentations of the wind power, which was given in the reading passage.

The professor begins to talk about the costs of constructing the wind wheels. He indicates that an investment will be paid already nine months after the completion, so it is very profitable to build them. This challenges the assertion of the reading that a lot of energy is necessary for making these machines.

Secondary, the professor criticizes the assertion in the reading about the host of killing birds by the turbines. He use the example that there are more accidents with death birds in cities occurs by crashes while driving a car or because of the big windows of skyscrapers or other buildings.

In addition to that, the professor explains that there is enough land capacity for the huge machines. The turbines work with the power of wind and need also a lot of place between them, so it is necessary to position them in an even landscape where strong wind is given. On these places there are not so much people who like to live there because of complications with supporting and life quality. So based on this the professor indicate that a land with small population density can be used for the production of wind energy and the land can also be used for agriculture without neglect for the capacity. The professor demonstrates an example about Denmark, where the area was avoided.

Last but not least, to opposite the argument about the esthetic problems in the reading the professor talks about a statistic that 70 % of people never mind to live in the near of the turbines.

-inamundial

Score = 3.0

Good attempt, but a lot of the ideas are jumbled up or not expressed or integrated properly.

:D

Re: Integrated Writing Task 1

 

                  In the written article and lecture is explaining about the wind power. Reading passage is describing the disadvantages of the wind power. However professor in disputing the points made in the lecture. Professor cast the doubt on the points made in the reading passage by making several points.

                       First point, Professor is state that birds killed by the wind turbine are negligible, when compare with the birds killed by the car accidents. Professor quote the study conducted in the explain that, migrating birds avoid the turbine wings near the wind power station as they take the different route. Which is different form the points made in the reading passage where it state the birds killed by wind power is one of the disadvantage.

   Second point, Farms acquiring the land for placing the wind power, Nowadays are constructed in the offshore, which are away from the agriculture land. However in reading passage assert the large effective land is used by wind power. In addition to that professor assert that power winds are constructed in remote areas, where is in people won’t prefer to live.

           Finally professor argues that, People really won’t give much importance to the esthetics disturbed by wind power. This is also opposite opinion made in the article.

 In conclusion professor challenges the claims made in the reading passage by explaining the real factors which avoids the disadvantage of the wind power.

-jyoti514

Score = 2.5

You've covered most points, but left out a couple of important ones, and you haven't always shown the integration factor very clearly. You also need to be more careful with your language use and basic punctuation.

Show paragraph separation with either an indent or a blank line break - don't use both!

:D

Re: Integrated Writing Task 1

The reading passage presents adverse effects of wind power as a substitute source of energy. However, the professor disputes the information based on the article and he stated the positive impact about the wind turbine. 

To begin with, the professor expresses his opinion about the wind generation plants which is ideally the set up will consume for just an average of nine months. This casts doubts stated in the reading passage that establishing a wind farm requires a large amount of energy especially for the manufacturer and any forms of transport. Thus, results to a negative carbon footprint. 

In addition, the professor also claims that having a wind turbines does not totally create a threat to migratory birds and other species of bats and in fact, this issue is unimportant compare to the number of fatality caused by car accidents or any devastation caused by humans. Furthermore, he presents a recent study from Denamark that migratory birds can escape the location of wind turbines and besides, it's common location is offshore that supported his opinion, negligible of threat to birds. 

Finally, the reading passage asserted that wind energy caused bad influence to the land because it utilizes a large area of soil in order to make a worthwhile enterprise. However, the professor refutes the idea based on this issue in the reading passage, he emphasizes that wind turbines just consume a minimal land since the majority of the land area is used for other purposes like agriculture and cattle farming. 

In considering all these ideas presented by the lecturer, he finishes by convincing that commonly, these wind turbines location are in isolated areas where it does'nt contribute negative impact to the human and to the environment.

-venus

Score = 4.5

Excellent response - some of the integration could have been done better, but overall a very strong and well written response.

:D

Re: Independent Writing Task 2

It is better to have one or two close friends than to have a large number of casual acquaintences.

According to MSNBC news a few weeks ago, most people change friends every five to seven years. Why? It could be because the change of environments, or it could be caused by conflict. In our span of life, we will make and lose friends many times abound.  Human are social beings. We feel that we need to be around other people, just like some people said “, the more is the merrier.”  With current web technology such as Facebook and Twitter, we can make friends with just anybody from all around the world, however, personally, I agree with the assertions that having one or two close friends are better than having a number of casual acquaintances.

To begin with, I am an introvert person.  When I am in a public place, I have reservation and I could not just open up to anybody. Unless somebody speaks to me first, I prefer to observe and stay in the corner and be comfortable by myself. While it is true that nowadays lots of ‘how to make new friends’ books are available on the market, in reality, it is not as easy as it seems. Many people are shy and cannot just conjure words and make themselves the center of attention and take the first step to approach somebody else. Although this is a disadvantage for many, we cannot just change our personality. Just like my sister who can be someone’s best friend in an hour after she met other people, I sometimes feel the words are stuck on my throat and just could not get out.

In addition to that, not everybody can fit into our personality. Have you ever met someone and deep down in your heart you somehow felt that you have known that person for a long time? You can just talk to him/her like you know him/her forever. Also, have you tried so hard to bond and connect with someone, but either that person cannot understand what you are talking about or you don’t understand that he/she is talking about?  I have seen two people with good intention end up with fighting against each other because each take the other’s meaning in a negative way. Just because of one small joke, or advice. Someone who is aggressive does not have the patience to wait for friends who are passive.  Likewise, a person who is relaxed does not like to be rushed into making decisions. It is natural for people to be attracted to someone who share certain similarities. These similarities can be shared in hobbies, food types, or personality.

Finally, we can focus our attentions to develop better and closer relationship with a small group of friends.  It is easier to work in a small group rather than big group.  For example, we want to have dinner with our friends. A wants to eat at Ruby’s Tuesday. B wants to eat at TGIF, C wants to eat at Chili. It is harder to reach consensus on where to eat, isn’t it?  Although it is important for any human being to live in society and have as many friends as possible, deep inside us, we want intimacy. We want to belong.  We want to feel special. This can only be attained with an exclusive and close relationship. Also, if we have a problem, we usually share it with only the person closest to us. We would not just open our dirty laundry to just anybody, wouldn’t we? Furthermore, when I received a nice big surprise, I automatically think of my closest friends, and I do not even think of my casual acquaintances.

To sum up, based on the human’s needs to belong and the many type of personality, these lead me to agree that it is better to have one or two close friends. In fact, I think that you would agree with me in this issue, wouldn’t you?

-inasaja

Score = 4.5

This is very well written and expressed. My only concern was the final body paragraph, which appeared to tackle too many different ideas simultaneously under the general idea of "relationship"- but otherwise, an excellent response to the topic!

:D

Re: Independent Writing Task 2

It is better to have one or two close friends than to have a large number of casual acquaintences.

Imagine you live alone in a big city, and one dark night you had a car accident on a street. What are you going to do? Will you think of only one or two close friend, who you have kept contact for some years or the ones, who joined your birthday party only once? I used to be in that situation. Whenever I am in troubles, I like to ask helps from only closed friend, because I know that they will help me for sure. I firmly believe that having one or two close friends is better than have a large number of causal accuaintences.
                                                                                                                                 
First of all, only tiny amount of friends allows us learning others’ attitude. We have limit time for making social contact with many people. Majority people select the best people who share ideas, habits and characteristics. This learning process takes time, it is very hard for us to spend time with many people. Most people work, so it would be very hard to get close contact with them. Friendship need time to build; any unwelcomed words and habits from the other person are important for good relationship. My closest friend is from my office. He joins lunch at building cafeteria almost every day. The first meeting, we shared usual discussion; however, after one year we become really good friend because we love playing sport, listening to music. We extend our personal trait and helping each other most of time. I feel like he is my real brother.

In addition limitation of time in learning others’ habit, I also think that people have difficulties in accepting human behavior. It is true that, we can meet and talk with many people but people’s instinct has procedure to think whether this person will be truly friend or not. I met many people each day, however, not too many of them are ready to share personal contact. Their personalities do not match with mine. Based on this fact, I have no intension to keep contact, except working. One of my business partners, for example, has worked for ten years in my business network. Because of our lifestyle is different, for example, he likes smoking everywhere, even in the office, or during business discussion. This is unaccepted habit because I think that he pays less respect to people’s health.  

Finally, in combination with learning human attitude and accepting personal trait, I still think that few friends is a way to save money. Why should we spend money to organize big party for 200-300 people.  To invite unknown people to party, more money is required. Those guests come to party looking for possibility for free drinking, dancing, or dating with some body. They sometimes broke home decorations. Although inviting many people to a party is a good reason for a party host, for example, showing people financial status. However, I feel that it is useless to spending money for untrue friends. My father, for instance, likes organizing party at home. When need helps, only few closed friends help him. Last year, when the financial crisis was widely separate in my country; he is almost bankrupt but only few friends lend him money.

In considering the issue of having small amount of friends, I have explored limitation of learning people attitude, sharing common characteristics and saving budget. This lead me to believe that few friends is better than casual acquaninteneces. Don’t stop to know new people; of course we have to open our mind to be friend with many people as much as possible but we should make critical thinking in our mind about who is our best friend.

-norkhame

Score = 4.0

You've developed and supported your arguments really well - it is just your language use/accuracy that is letting you down.

:D

Re: Independent Writing Task 2

Imagin a person who has one friend and the friend is always busy and he does not have time to listen to his friend. When this person has a problem and he call his friend the answer machine replies record the massage after the tone. When he send a massage through email or text him by cell phone, he waits long time for the answer. For sure this person will find another person who try to listen to him or give him time or some effort to solve the problem. Although not all acquaintences are friends but I think I can be friend with them. More friends means more ideas to digest, more help to find, and alot of fun time to spend.

To begin with, the first advantage of acquaintences is more opinion, more thoughts and more experiences for the person. For instance each person has certain interests, hobbies, and thoughts. If I do not know how to cook certain kind of food and my friend Amal has great cooking experience, for sure she will give me great ideas to make special dish for my family at the weekend. My other friend is smart and when she study she knows where to focus and how to catch up with her time, she may help me to get better results in my testes. She is a good researcher, I can use her resources to find more beneficial website for my assignments.

In addition to having more ideas, having more friends means getting more help when you need. To illustrate, from my own experiences, one time my car broken, I took it to the shop, my friend Muna gave her car and offered to give me a ride whenever I want. Another example, one day I had a big invitation and my friend rita helped me by cooking for me two dishes and one desert. My other friend Rana helped me with preparation of the table and other utensiles. What a great help more than you do not feel that you are in predicament or you can not make the invitation at perfect time and way.

Finally, there is a saying which states that friends double and maximize our joys and devide our grieves. That is why more friend means more fun time to spend and more happiness in life. When I want to go out to the theater I call my friends, we spend a great time together.My other friends prefer to go to churches and community center to find more friends, discuss more ideas so I go with her.

To conclude, since I am a social person, and I love also to help people and to learn more issues about life experiences from different people, different culture, different education. I think making more friends means varieties of experiences, more aid and assistance and less stress to cope with our life and endure any change in our conditions or sitiations.

-zenakhalid

Score = 3.5

Unfortunately, the essay is "top heavy" - meaning it starts off very detailed but each paragraph gets progressively shorter and less detailed! This is a clear sign you are just writing from start to finish and not really developing the body of your essay with a clear strategy. Also, your arguments seem to rest purely on the idea of number of friends, and miss the key topical words "close" versus "casual".

:D

Re: Integrated Writing Task 2

Hi! this is my response to integrated writing task question 2:
The reading passage explains a phenomena about the pop culture and it's influence of language diversity across the nations. Similarly, the lecturer supports the idea presented in the reading article.
 To begin with, the professor points out that in our regular routine and daily interaction, normally language is the primary medium to relate and understand one another. Basically, pop culture is the product of accustomed language in different country and it's meaning varies from one culure to another. This is related to what the reading passage stated that daily interaction from different sources such as entertainment, literature and sports will give influence to the young people nowadays.

 In addtition, the lecturer presents some examples of pop culture based on the past era as of 1977 as illustrated in the movie star wars. This depicts some phrases wherein the meaning of a certain phrase becomes different from the modern generation. On the other hand, in comtemporary times, the movie Harry Potter is known as an example of language in camparison to Star wars wherein certain phrases may appear of different meaning. This example is related to the reading information about the teenagers who have adopted some expressions from their external environment apart from the inherent language taught by their parents.

 Finally, the professor asserts that commonly in certain countries such as in English speaking areas, they have different language adopt based on their ways and manner in expressing their communication while in other countries such as Canada, Australia and Britain, it appears that they have different meaning from the phrases adopted by English speaking countries. Of course, it's true that there are culture diversity across the globe that makes some language unique and oftentimes lead to awareness and sensitivity to other culture.

 In considering the phenomena of pop culture, the lecturer finishes by asserting that despite the variation of language globally, it is important to to know the boundary set in certain country and it's respective culture. As a result, different kinds of vernacular terms or phrases  have been become a norm and accustomed to each  nation while certain meanings seem to be different to others.

-venus

Score = 4.0

It's probably too long and detailed (could you realistically write this much in just 20 minutes under exam conditions?), but you've missed some key opportunities to integrate clearly across the two sources.

:D

Re: Integrated Writing Task 2

in this set of materials, the written expression and the lecture discuss the inflence of the pop culture and the time or the era on the slang or the elloquent language expression of the people in the country. Both the reading and the lecture agree that pop culture with the era have a great influence on the language.The listening lecture supports the reading lecture by giving an examples.To begin with, the listening lecture states an example of how certain period of time have different language expression with in the culture. For instance the expression" may power be with you" defind the starwars era of 1980. This expression is not understandable in our current era or it is not used.This example supports the reading lecture discussion of how the teenagers use different expression from their parents.In addition to the time the pop culture that is famous in certain place affect the language expression of that place. This means that even inside the same nation or even if different nation speak the same language. The listening lecture support this claim by using an example of expression used in canada but not in United Kingdom or Austuralia where in fact all these nations speak English language" your hoze take off away." That's agree with what the reading lecture claims that the media and the effect of pop culture affect the language even if the people live in the same country , speak the same language but they live faraway or there are boundariers that separate the cities.

-zenakhalid

Score = 4.0

Be careful with simple language errors, and make sure you quote specific examples with a lot of accuracy. Otherwise, I'd suggest some simple paragraphing to better illustrate your breakdown of main points.

:D

Re: Integrated Writing Task 5

       Reading passage discusses the reasons of the sink of “Ghost Ship” that left New York for Genoa in 1872. However, the professor casts some doubt on the reasons that presented in the reading passage.

       Firstly, the professor begins by stating Benjamin Briggs was a very experienced captain. According to him, the crew of the ship had good reputation. In addition to that, sailors left all their personal belongings on board. These points contradict with the assertion in the reading passage; namely, the crew killed the captain.

       Secondly, the professor explains that  the captain of the ship that came across with the wreckage of Ghost Ship, was a good friend of Benjamin Briggs. This assertion strongly challenges the idea in the reading passage that suggests piracy as the main reason of the Ghost Ship incident.

         Finally, the professor states that leaving the ship on life-boats out of fire suspicion was the most reasonable cause of this situation. He explains that, nine of the 1701 barrels of alcohol, which were highly likely the main reason of alcohol fumes, were found empty. Stating that fire was the greatest fear on voyages in those days, the professor also disputes the other related assertion in the reading passage.

-atomen

Score = 4.0

A little brief in places, but the essential ideas are covered and integrated and the language use is reasonably good.

Don't indent your paragraphs if you are leaving a blank line between them. The rule is: indent to show a new paragraph, or enter down with a blank line between them. Don't do both!

:D

Re: Independent Writing Task 3

Have you ever heard about global warming? This issue comes from extensive researches of scientists. People around the world acknowledge bad impacts of human activities to the environment. Therefore, they concern environmental crisis and try to find solution for this problem. Human life today will not be better than in the past if there was no great scientists’ work. Based on this fact, I personally believe that, scientists have contributed their working to society more than artists.

To begin with, experimental science is symbol of society development for whole world. In developed countries, several researches are carried out by scientists year by year. Their works are not only benefit for people of their country but also for other nations in this world as well. HIV research, for instance, has analyzed possibility of HIV infection for new born child. When this research was first introduced to public, people in my country, Laos, know also that new baby born has slim chances for not being infected HIV from mother. Before this research, we all assume that, babies will be infected HIV from their mother 100%. The publication demonstrate intensive care methods for infected HIV mother. Hence, Lao women, who infected HIV follow scientists’ advice.
Now, new babies born from HIV infected mother reduce the possibility to infect from their mother.

In addition to society development, I think that scientists’ works have enormous impact to the specific society or world. There are many things need to find answer for human’s life. We need good inventors to create machine, pharmacy, and many things for daily use. Einstein, one greatest scientist of all time, invented light for using at night. Without his work, people won’t have a chance to work or being active after sunset.

Finally, alongside with developments and impacts of scientist to society, I think that scientists’ works have influences for society more than art work. Global warming is the good example to explain on this. People around the world keep eyes on protecting world. The politic election in each country has included these issues to their election campaign. Before this research, people do not know or care about it so much. If this research was not carried out, our world will be damage without warning.

In conclusion, science has contributed a lot in society. As I explain the society benefit from development of science, useful for human life and impacts to society. This makes me believe that, scientists are great engines for society and human development.

-norkhame

Score = 3.5

Some of the arguments are hard to follow/rationalize, and some of your supporting details are factually wrong (for example, are you sure it was Einstein who invented the electric light?). The language use needs a lot more development and accuracy as well.

:D

Re: Independent Writing Task 3

As we moved to the twenty first century onwards, different changes in our society happens from all aspects of technology. These are the results of the creations of scientists that makes their existence viable to all concern. Personally, I agree that scientists make the  most important contributions to society because of the following reasons, they are the source of all inventions; their importance to the contributions of human needs and because of their prominent talents acknowledged globally.

First of all, scientists are the known to be the inventor of all times. During our elementary education, our teachers taught us in Science subjects different inventors and scientist and it's importance to the use of society. Consider, for example the invention of Benjamin Franklin, he discovered penicillin for the treatment of infection and serves as antibiotic. This simple invention made the world discover that their is certain drug for treatment of wounds.

In addition to the first reason of being an inventor of all times, they are beneficial because of their potential talents that contribute to science and technology. Nowadays, myriad inventions came out every century because they discovered something which is of great importance to the society. For example, the advance innovations of different electronic gadgets and computers has made the people worked with convenience and speed . As a result, everyone had appreciated the works of scientists that makes the world so easy and functional.

Finally, along with their prominent inventions and it's importance to the use of society,their inventions are recognized and acknowledged globally. Being a scientist is not an easy task, it entails a lot of effort to think of thier new inventions and how they will make it a success.Although, there are other important persons who may contribute like artists and others but the works of the scientist are far more important among others.

In considering the issue that scientists has valuable contributions to our nation, I have explored these notions, scientists are  the sole key of all inventions; considered to be of great importance in the advancement of science and technology; their innovative inventions are known unversally. In this changing world, we need a great person such as the scientists who could make a difference to all positively and appreciate every single inventions made for his mother Earth.

-venus

Score = 3.5

The body paragraphs lack development through supporting details, convincing examples, and concession statements. In fact, it looks like you've spent more time developing your introduction and conclusion than the actual body - or main part of your essay. Make sure you enhance your body paragraphs more before worrying about long sophistocated introductions or conclusions.

:D

Re: Integrated Writing Task 3

In the reading passage states that Michealangelo is the most famous artist in renaissance era. In the listening passage the professor strongly doubts whether he should be named as the most prominent artist in this era, comparing to Leonardo and Rafael.

To begin with, the professor points out that Michealangelo continued David statue from other artist, Arkio, the one who created the sculpture.  He said that Michealor finished David Statue only minor part. Therefore this work came from other artist’s inspiration, not from himself. This casts doubt to the reading passage that Michealangleo created David statue himself.

More than that, professor also points out that, Michealor Angelo had worked entirely 40 years on Sistine Chapel. In this time, he also worked with other project. So the Sistine Chapel hire many 1000 artists to work in many components. Hence, this work is rather respected as the way he pick the best idea from other artist for making the new one. This casts doubt in the reading passage that Sistine chapel is regarded as his famous work of all time, without mention working collaboration with other artists at all.

-norkhame

Score = 3.5

A good effort, and main ideas are covered and integrated reasonably well. Main detractor is the language use and problems with accuracy.

:D

Re: Integrated Writing Task 3

The reading passage presents the artworks of one of the most famous artists on renaissance period, Michael Angelo. The professor, however, casts doubts on the idea presented in the reading about his elite masterpiece.

To begin with, the  professor mentions renown artists aside from Michael Angelo and points out the fact that Michael Angelo is not the only artist who made his artworks a success and should not be given a viable credit alone on his art. This casts doubts on the point in the reading passage that all the examples mentioned from his masterpiece were credited under his name and were given recognition and importance in the history.

In addition, the professor mentions one of his artworks, the Statue of David, wherein  according to him Michael Angelo is not the sole artist who complete this art but someone had finished the Statue of David. Although, the reading passage supports the idea that it was Michael Angelo who made completely the masterpiece.

Finally, the lecturer asserts another illustration from Michael Angelo's artwork, the Sisten Chapel. This artwork took forty years of decorating to complete the Sisten Chapel. However, the professor believes that it was not Michael Angelo completed the masterpiece but by the help of many famous artists as well.

To sum up, the professor finishes by asserting that that Michael Angelo somehow brings out the best in others and they must be given recognition.Although Michael angelo has made a history during the renaissance period but it he would be appropriate for him to be a manager and model to all artists.

-venus

Score = 3.5

The basic ideas are there and integrated well, but they are not always expressed all that well and lack appropriate supporting detail in some places.

:D

Re: Independent Writing Task 4

   
          Personally, I agree that there must be an internship or a similar work experience included in the university education process.

          First of all, I think that internships are very useful for students to earn some really valuable work experience. Internship experiences will give an idea to students about what a working ambience is like or communication between colleagues.  When the student finally graduates and find a job, it will be much easier to fit in to the workplace. This will make the transition between the school and work much smoother.  Additionally, internships will give a chance to see all the theoretical information taught at college applicable in real world. As an example from my own experience, all the formulas, equations were just writings on paper until I did my internship at a gsm provider and saw them applicable in real world.

          In addition, I feel that internships are very important opportunities to establish very important contacts. Finding a job may be very challenging especially today in this economic recession.  Knowing some effective people in the job market can make it easier to get an interview opportunity or event the job itself. Consider, for example, there are two candidates with equal qualifications for a position. If one of them is using a very effective or well-known person as a reference, it will get that person one step ahead. Internships can be very useful to get to meet these people and exchanging contact information.

          Finally, I think that internships can be a good chance to make some money. There are numbers of companies that provide paid internship or part-time work for students. Being a student can be very expensive especially when it occurs in a different country or city in which family lives. Of course, in some cases, money is not the issue for some families, but I think for a majority of students, this will lead that some extra money to be extremely useful. 

          To sum up, these factors made me  believe that even a internship of a very short time is an indispensable process for a student’s education.

-atomen

Score = 3.5

Shows a lot of potential, but there appear to be two main ideas or directions in the first body paragraph, and the examples need to be a bit more convincing and detailed.

Also, choose only one format (indent your paragraphs OR leave a blank line between then), not both together.

:D

Re: Independent Writing Task 4

Imagine you are an employer, what type of employee do you want? Do you need students who have highest grade from examination or the one who have attitude “can do.” Learning theories from is a must, however, this process of learning does not guarantee whether they will be select into good company or not. I personally believe that, to have training or internship within the university is the greatest benefit for students’ career in the future.

To begin with, labor market is not looking only high qualified graduated students from universities but also appropriate experience related to study field. Experience is a good reference and valuable information in CV. If any students used to work before applying job, they will likely be accepted more than inexperienced one. My brother, for example, graduated in the field of Management and Marketing last year with overall grade A+, applying for a position manager at company ABC. There was one candidate, who graduated from the same University; he was selected into that company despite having lower grade than my brother. This man had experience in working with one Logistic company and when he applied for the same position, the owner of company did not hesitate to choose him.

In addition to the need of labor market, internship at the university is the good preparation stage them for real situation work working. Although some people may want to take a break after studying, but I think that, internship will let us face with good practices and learn how to deal with pressure. Last year, I had selected as volunteer researcher chemistry. Only good students were selected. After working with many professors, I found that t being a good chemist and to implementing experiments in a laboratory room are different task. While working, I have to deal with my pressure, and emotion needs to be controlled during working with others. Someone may be angry or not nice to me but I have to be positive and keep forward my work schedule always. Reading books has no conflict, while working with other people is another story.

Finally, alongside with need of employers and practical lessons from working, internship forces students to work well within the team. I learnt this lesson by myself when I start my work at the first day. Studying is a gift but working in internship programme is like winning lottery. I have a chance to use my theories lessons which have learnt from university. At the same time, I have an opportunity to understand the need of myself, team members, and the head of my group. I learnt how to be more responsible in my duty for archiving the goal of my group.

Considering internship at university, I explored the need of labor market, preparation for real work and understanding the group objective. This lead me to believe that work opportunity in campus is advantages for students. They gain experience during their studying, it is the good preparation step for students before applying job.

-norkhame

Score = 3.5

Very good arguments which are well supported and developed across a well-organized essay. The main problems are the simple language constructions and errors.

:D